An Ode To Randomness

It's odd how these things pan out... One minute, you're on the top of the world, the next in the depths of despair....And often, you don't rightly know what causes it..... It's 1:30 in the morning on a saturday.. my mum has been in town 7 days....i've seen her for about 29 hours...this includes one entire sunday that i spent with her....

the usual suspect....work....yet, is it? the humiliation, the degradation, the nastiness, the pettiness, the embarrasment, the pain, the anguish, the hurt...does it balance out? does the occational praise, the moments of exhilaration, the minutes of uncontrollable laughter, the sarcasm, the pride, the money, perhaps...does it make it worthwhile?

i don't know, truely...i do however know that despite it all, i will be here tomorrow...out of need, or necessity, out of love or loathing, out of choice or complusion, i will sit at this desk, to read mails that aren't addressed to me, to be at this extention where the calls are seldom mine, to listen to my boss, who mostly thinks i suck, to the people around me, who have no clue who i am, to this office where i am nothing but a number...

burnt out? not yet, perhaps....de-idealized? for sure....to what end? no clue....is the marriage of the damned the only thing in my destiny? the need to be bedfellows with all i hate...to be the one thing i strove not to be.....

a pretentious bitch